The Military Woman and so much More

Divorce for Busy Millennials

Jackie Morton, host of the Divorce for Busy Millennials podcast, started her podcast after navigating her own divorce. Her podcast offers a space for other people going through a divorce a platform to give practical advice with a splash of humor. 

Amidst tackling law school, being a mom, and preparing for a deployment, Jackie was also figuring out how to get divorced. Like every other divorce, her divorce was  handled through the civilian court. But unlike most cases, Jackie is a military woman and unfortunately, it was used against her during the process. Jackie had to figure out how to properly advocate for herself to everyone, including her own attorney. 

While divorce is painful mentally, emotionally, and physically, Jackie found peace when it all came to an end. Looking back on her experience, she is able to find humor and comfort in it all. Tune into this week’s episode of Military Woman and So Much More for a light hearted conversation surrounding divorce. Learn more about Jackie’s experience, and how to better navigate divorce as a member of the military. 

Quotes:

“If you don't have the proper tools and vocabulary to explain everything to your attorney, judge, or mediator it can really be skewed against you.” (07:00-07:10) 

“The more joint assets and marital assets you have, or the more complicated your tax bracket is, the more need you're going to have for an expensive attorney.” (39:13-39:27)

No Woman Left Behind

Overview:

Victoria B Thompson is an Air Force Vet, Founder of the non-profit We Steel Rise, self proclaimed spokesperson of law of attraction, and future author. Victoria has over ten years of experience in law enforcement holding various positions. She has hands-on experience working with women who were incarcerated, learning many of them had served in the military. This experience taught her invaluable lessons of the challenges women veterans face. 

Throughout all of her experience, Victoria has realized that a higher rate of women veterans who were incarcerated face homelessness in comparison to men. In 2018, Victoria decided to pursue her passion and begin a re-entry program for veteran women called We Steel Rise. Tune in to this episode of Military Women and So Much more to learn more about Victoria’s journey from being a woman in the military to helping other women safely transition out. 

Quotes:

• “You have to have a for-profit in order to have a non-profit.” (35:04-35:06) 
• “Never let them see you sweat, regardless of the situation. You walk around with your head high, smile, because it throws them off.” (52:37- 52:45)
• “Do not let a person take you out of character, especially in the military.” (54:27-54:29) 

Links:
To donate to Victoria’s non-profit please visit www.westeelrise.org

For all inquiries please email Victoria at victoria@bthompson.me 

Victoriabthompson.me

How to Affect Implicit Bias

When it comes to the work space, it is crucial that employers provide a safe and healthy space for their employees to do their jobs. When it comes to internal investigations, “over 60% of internal investigators pre-judge their cases” due to implicit bias, says attorney Tracy Pearson. In this week’s episode of Military Woman and So Much More, Tracy Pearson will share her expert opinion on how to minimize implicit bias so workplaces can be more safe for everyone.

According to Tracy, there are two main reasons why employees do not report to organizations. The first reason is psychological safety, in other words, feeling like you can't. And second, organizational betrayal. This all has to do with our brains being trained to resort to implicit bias. While this way of thinking has been engraved in the human mind since the beginning of mankind, it is not impossible to get rid of. In fact, Tracy says that education, and creating a culture where people of all types are valued is vital to minimizing the issue.

Implicit bias in the military is especially dangerous. Since the military has historically mostly been a white-male dominating field, it is crucial that the necessary steps are being taken to shift the mindset and culture of the military so that all its members are protected. Tune in today for an educational conversation on how to minimize implicit bias in your workspace. 

Quotes:

“Failure to investigate an allegation should be a crime.” (21:25-21:28) 

“We have a duty as organizations to provide a healthy and safe work environment for the people that we entrust to do the work we ask them to do.”  (21:31-21:41) AUDIOGRAM until 22:15) 

“In order to have a competent investigation, you have to not pre-judge it.”(31:09- 31:13)

“Credibility isn’t about belief, it's about plausibility based on objective factors.” (32:05-32:13)  

“If you aren't changing the underlying culture that is making this happen to people, you aren't fixing the problem.” (37:38- 37:49) 

Links:

https://www.tracyexplains.com/

From Military to Top Dollar Contractor

Overview: 

Although she has never served, TC Michell is someone every military member in the process of transitioning out should know. She has helped many veterans transition out of the military into jobs that pay better salaries than they had ever had before. This episode, TC will discuss the key to making money post-military life: government contracting. 

TC says that government contracting jobs are the best way for military members to easily make the most money. For one, all of the years spent in the military are extremely valuable. Just the 6 week basic training is already worth so much. The federal government values these years of experience and training significantly more than a college degree and they will certainly pay you for it. It is also important to note that with your experience in the military, it will be a breeze to get you a clearance. Having a clearance will drive your salary up because it shows that you are honorable and trustworthy. 

Find out how to make your transition out of the military the most profitable by leveraging your skill set and years of service by listening to what TC Mitchell has to say on this week’s episode of Military Women and So Much More!  

Quotes

•  “When you come out of service, when you come out of giving your years to the government as a military person, they value.. The federal government itself truly values the years of training and development you have behind you more than they value the degree, and they will pay for those years that you have done.” (05:55-6:18) 
• “I will say being able to be eligible to classified information, and to work on classified contracts means you're trustworthy. And that trustworthiness equates to more dollars.”  (07:32- 07:48) 
• “Make as much money as you can with the foundation that you have because often when you transition into a new career path, you are going to start entry level, you are going to start at the bottom level so your money may not be as great.”(19:53- 20:06) 

Emotional Intelligence and Great Leaders

Overview:

Most of our default behaviors are developed by the time we are five years old, says motivational speaker, Bill Benjamin. This week on Military Woman and So Much More, your host Sharika LaBrie welcomes her first ever male guest to the show to discuss emotional intelligence and the role women play in leadership.

Even though Bill is sought out for his emotional intelligence training, he has not always been emotionally intelligent himself. In fact, this is something Bill had to learn himself. When he was struggling in a leadership position, a mentor of his opened his eyes to the emotional areas that he was lacking. Bill says anyone can learn how to retrain the brain; it just takes practice. Reading, watching videos, attending training, and hiring a coach are a few ways one can begin to practice and relearn their old behaviors.

Bill wants women to know how valuable they are in the workplace. According to a naval study, teams of men and women are far more productive than teams of only one or the other. Women’s brains are naturally wired to trigger more emotional and empathetic responses to stressful situations. It has been proven that empathy is a key contributor to strong leadership.

Tune in to this week’s episode of Military Woman and So Much More to hear more about Bill’s 8% philosophy, and how we as women can utilize our emotions to become emotionally intelligent leaders.

Quotes:

“Our default behaviors and our emotional behaviors are neuropathways that get seared in overtime and most of those are developed by the time we are 5 years old.” (10:21-10:32)  

“We really say leading by example is not the main means of influencing people, it’s the only means.” (11:15-11:18)

“Teams of combined men and women outperform teams of mostly or mostly women.” (23:03- 23:10)

“Empathy is not giving in all the time; empathy is not someone else has to be right. It is simply acknowledging someone else’s point of view.” (26:02- 26:11)

“The goal of mediation is not to calm our minds down, that is a huge misconception. The goal of mediation is to be aware of our mind wandering, it’s to practice some slow breathing. An outcome might be that we feel calmer, but it might not be.” (30:38-30:52)  

Links: 

https://www.ihhp.com

How To Go From Debt to Investor

Overview:

“Even if you don’t talk about money, you learn about money through actions,” says Stephanie Davis Certified Financial Education Instructor. Stephanie grew up with an unhealthy relationship with money. Coming from a single-family home, she was told no a lot. Coming into adulthood, Stephanie wanted to be able to give herself everything she always wanted. Unfortunately, she addressed it in the wrong way and landed herself in some financial stress.

After getting out of the military, Stephanie entered the civilian world. She soon realized that money was no longer a guarantee. Her bad financial decisions had landed her in a situation where she could not afford the lifestyle she had been living. Stephanie knew that she either had to change or continue down the path of debt she was on. With 18 months of dedication, she was able to get out of debt and begin her journey into real estate investing.

Stephanie says the first thing that she had to do was come face to face with where she was at. Looking at the numbers and figuring out where her money was going was the first key to paying off her debt. After that, Stephanie had to cut back significantly on things she was used to spending her money on. She realized she didn’t need all the clothes, she cooked more at home, and she put the vacations on hold. Staying true to her newfound path got her out of 45,000 dollars of debt in under two years.

Learn more about how you can free yourself from the unnecessary stress of debt in today’s episode of Military Woman and So Much More.

Quotes:

 “Even if you don’t talk about money, you learn about money through actions and what you see and what you hear other people talk about.” (03:01-03:08)

“I went on a spending spree because nobody could tell me no and because I’ve had this desire of just buying the things that I wanted.” (06:09- 06:18)

“I was so much in debt that I was just trying to stay afloat, that I realized something has to change.” (08:33- 08:40)

"A lot of times we allow money to stress us out and put money in a position of power. Money is not power. We are the powerful ones."  (28:53- 29:08) 

Links:

Find Stephanie on her Website https://www.financesonpoint.com/

 

Just Call Her Ma'am

Overview:

Roshonda Thomas, Founder of Distress the Community Non-Profit Organization, is a true jack of all trades. From serving in the military, to owning multiple businesses, running a non-profit and being a mother, there isn’t much this woman can’t do. 

After getting out of active duty, Roshonda took a corporate job. As she was adjusting to her new lifestyle and being a full-time mom, Roshonda realized she was unable to find adequate childcare. She realized that this was a problem that many women were likely having, and it got the ball rolling for her first entrepreneurial endeavor, opening her gym. Not only did her gym provide a space for people to work on their fitness, but it offered after school programs for children, too. At this point, Roshonda was just getting started. She eventually went on to making her own coffee and smoothies, opening an axe throwing business and incorporating yoga into her life and the lives of those around her.

At one point, Roshonda had a conversation with a friend about the concept of time and using it properly. Her friend told her that she was wasting her talents. After a lengthy all-day discussion, Roshonda concluded that she was wasting a lot of her time. She encourages everyone to take the time to revisit their goals, and what they are doing to reach those goals on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. By doing this, Roshonda ended up creating her businesses into what she wanted the most: her non-profit organization, Distress the Community.

If Roshonda could give anyone advice, it would be to spend the time figuring out what you want to do then remaining focused on those things. Learn more about Roshonda’s story on this episode of Military Woman and So Much More!

Quotes:

“Whether you do things with that time, you need to know where you are wasting it. Whether you can do an extra workout, or you can be meal prepping, or doing something extra for your kids, or yourself.” (11:12- 11:22)

“There are other ways to look at certain things. You don’t always have to have the answer or have it right. Some things you’re going to have to navigate through and grow.” (28:05-28:15)

“Be open to the other side or at least seek out the other side so that you can really have an informed decision. You can keep your thought process that’s fine, but know what the other person is thinking and feeling.” (28:19-28:31) 

“When you will do the work, the positivity that comes from that really will allow you to open up untacked talent that you didn’t even know you had.” (28:58- 29:10)

“By 22 I would have told myself not to put so much stock in relationships because they are fluid.” (38:55- 39:00)

Links:

https://destressthecommunity.org

Podcast production and show notes provided by FIRESIDE Marketing

The new hair do's are cute, but why the military hair regulation updates matter!

Today we are talking about all things hair! It’s no secret the Army has rolled out some new hair regulations for women. Let's start with the main changes in the regulation: women are now allowed to shave their heads, and can wear ponytails to their shoulder blades. Previously, ponytails were only allowed to be tucked in and during training. Braids and twists are now allowed.  

So why is this important? There’s been some negativity towards the new regulations from both men and women. Although her unit has been very supportive, social media hasn’t been as accepting. Many say that they want to honor how the military has been for years and things don’t need to be changed. Also ponytails have been considered messy, ponytails can be used for hand to hand contact, and buns are more professional and stay within exceeding the standards. 

This is also important for more societal inclusions for all races of women and what the world accepts as ‘beauty’. The Army taking this step to be more inclusive, can only be a step in the right direction for societal change. In the civilian world, there are also problems with women of color being sent home from their job or knowing someone who was sent home from their job because their hair was deemed unprofessional for the workplace. 

Previously, women had no exceptions for having any hair regulations besides a bun, although men have exceptions for beards for religious and medical reasons. Going into the history of hair in the military, long hair and ponytails were accepted for men as well as beards up to WWI. As time went on, often for sanitary purposes, all regulations had to be  the same ‘clean cut look’ across the board. 

Sharika shares her struggles through the military and staying within hair regulations and the struggles many women had keeping their hair in a bun every single day of work no matter what texture of hair they had. The old regulations also did not take into consideration migraines due to hair, alopecia, limitations of movement, diversion, and inclusion. 

Sharika suggests reading regulation AR670-1 which can be found here so you know the regulations of course before calling someone out, and turning these new regulations into a learning experience for all. 

 

Learn more about the new hair regulations and the important steps the military is taking to provide inclusion for all, on today's episode of The Military Woman and so much more! 

Quotes: 

• “The point of these hair regulations and the point of updating them are to ensure we are diversifying and we are including everyone - all shapes, sizes, and colors.”
• “So why is this important? The old regulations allowed a lot of subjectivity to the majority of a population, who did not understand black hair styles, the maintenance cost and the time it takes to professionally style hair or perform daily styling. The old regulation didn't take into account the medical reasons.”

Army Fatigues to Hollywood Glamour

Knowing each other since 2011, Arlyn and Sharika share their thoughts of how small the world is, especially in the Army Nurse Corp! Arlyn was serving as a Brigade Nurse Counselor when life hit her unexpectedly. Her husband’s position in the Army was not able to accommodate their travel plans with her military career, so she chose the hard road to accept a different duty station with the anticipation of where her husband would be sent for his impending fellowship. Fast forwarding to her terminal leave down the line, Arlyn decided to take her time to attend some family engagements. Filling out an DA31 for accountability, she needed to scope out the nearest hospital to her vacation destination in Mexico. During this time, a large fire accident happened at a wedding she was attending. Unfortunately, Arlyn was hit with the fire in a matter of seconds, suffering third degree and second degree burns. 

Luckily, all of the information she filled out in her DA31 was helpful to cover her bases, although she needed to be treated out of country in Mexico. She quickly learned the medical care facilities overseas are vastly different in how they can handle situations versus in the United States. Arlyn notified her chain of command as soon as she could and informed her Tricare representative to notify them what had happened. 

She requested someone from the Air Force to come and retrieve her so she could get treatment closer to her home. Arriving back in San Antonio, Arlyn was triaged immediately into the hospital’s burn unit. Spending about two weeks in the hospital, Arlyn and her husband were able to return home to Washington state where her husband had to immediately report to his unit in El Paso, Texas. It was a truly humbling experience for Arlyn to have to rely on those around her and not being as mobile as she was used to. 

Extending her ETS date to ensure her burn care was covered, Arlyn found out her husband was receiving his medical fellowship at UCLA and grabbed on to the first solid plan she was able to for months. As Arlyn’s ETS date came and went, her husband asked her an important question: what did she want to do from here? 

Not knowing what her answer was, and knowing her previous answer revolved around her ambitions in the Army, all she wanted now was to be able to walk again, drive a car, and have her old normal. She instead asked him, what he would do with his life? He responded with everything in his current life; being a surgeon and a father. It really hit Arlyn that she needed some new and exciting goals to achieve in her life. At first jokingly, she said she wanted to be an actor in light of their new move to Los Angeles. Having no idea where to start, Arlyn googled and researched what she needed to do to begin her new career endeavors. 

Forcing herself to walk long distances for about six months in LA, Arlyn took some classes in a comedy school and began to send out auditions. She booked her first gig with USAA for a national commercial, which at the time never aired. A few years later in Hawaii,  she found an audition with USAA again seeking a role that fit her perfectly and got the part! If you see the commercial, Arlyn plays a part named ‘Kate’. 

Being redirected to something else in her life is something Arlyn could have never imagined, but she would not have it any other way. Learn more about Arlyn’s transition from the Army to Hollywood this week on The Military Woman and so Much More!

Quotes: 

• “Yes you can have it all...but what does all really mean?”
• All those things I learned from the military, absolutely prepared me for a life in Hollywood.”
• “Because my perspective has changed, right? Perspective, went from, you know, I want to be a general in the Army Nurse Corps One day, when I go to anesthesia School in the Army, my career, blah blah blah, me me me. To I just want to be able to walk without a limp, you know. I want to be able to walk more than I don't know, half a mile, you know like can I stand without pain. Like it was so simple. What I wanted out of my life.”

Links: 

https://twitter.com/arlyn821?s=20

The Army Mom Life Network Advocating for Change!

LTC Kelly Bell, moderator for The Army Mom Life group was originally in a reserves unit before being mobilized to an active duty unit right before the COVID-19 pandemic. 

The only nurse in her command, she became the medical commander for everything COVID-19 related. She specializes in ER nursing. When her unit arrived back from deployment she was asked to be briefed about COVID-19 and they were shocked how things had progressed in the United States. She was then asked to be the OIC of the COVID-19 task force. Board selected for a LTC Battalion Command position by June of this year. 

Kelly has of course learned quite a bit during the pandemic about her career and how things quickly change within the military. Being a Facebook administrator for the group, The Army Mom Life, Kelly works to revise policies and advocate for moms and families in the military.

SGT Nicole Pierce began the group and reached out the Kelly to help mentor and advocate for their members. Since then Kelly decided to learn more about Twitter and see how she could make a difference through that community and push some of the main issues they were seeing through the platform. They got a great response by tagging some top leaders in the Army. The SGT Major of the Army reached out to the group and suggested they submit some proposals they were working on. They put out a survey to see what they would like to see as proposals, with over 300 respondents. They consolidated the responses and came up with the top 5 they wanted to present. It then landed on the desks of some of the senior leaders in the Army as well as some members of the Pentagon. It is important to note that instead of simply making a list of what the group wanted, they presented research, background information and solutions that they wanted to have addressed. The Pregnancy and Postpartum Planning team will be getting together on April 5th at the Pentagon, and will begin working on the proposal and turning the issues into actual policy. 

The main proposals that have been submitted are:

• Postpartum Height weight deferment from 180 days to a full 12 months postpartum 
• Increase postpartum standard of care 
• Standards in allowing Postpartum or pregnant soldiers be sent to PME 
• Joint service effort to revise the joint travel regulations to officially authorize the reimbursement of breast milk transportation 
• Postpartum and parental operation and training deferment policy 

Kelly explains how difficult it is for many female soldiers that are pregnant or postpartum to be sent to training, NTC, or deployments. There are many studies being done to show the effects of mothers and babies being separated too early, and the inconsistencies of policy to ensure the welfare of families. Kelly and the team of The Army Mom Life group are working to make the work/life balance for female soldiers more bearable as they progress in their career. Some of the policies they are looking to revise are not only for females, but also understanding a family looks different sometimes and different is okay. These policies will consistently cover transgender families, single parents, and same gender parents. 

Listen as Kelly shares her experiences as a mom and how she is advocating for female soldiers everywhere in this episode of The Military Woman and So Much More! 

Quotes: 

“We got our voice out on Twitter, and got picked up by Army Senior leaders that started to follow some of the threads we were putting out there, and things just sort of progressed in a really positive way.”

 

“The way that we run the Army Mom life is very soldier centric. So it’s all about the admins advocating for the soldiers in the group and assisting them. So we wanted to capture the needs and wants of the soldiers.” (18:40-18:56)

 

Links: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/thearmymomlife