The Military Woman and so much More

Finding Purpose, Support and Yourself after a Sexual Assault

“Never in a million years did I think that was going to happen,” Tina Casanova explains regarding her experience with sexual assault. Tina was raped on active duty after her first deployment as a Petty Officer in the US Navy. The assault occurred at a party, and Tina’s assailant was a friend. When the attack occurred, Tina checked off all of the boxes: she said no, tried to rationalize with her attacker, and attempted to fight him off. She followed all of the rules, but she was raped anyway, and she still feels personal responsibility for the experience. She explains that even now, she blames herself for poor judgement in friends, drinking too much, and trusting the wrong people.

Tina went back to work two days after the attack. She spent years trying to suppress her emotions and relied on a “fake it till you make it” rationale to explain them away. But her attempts to cope weren’t working, and her family members and friends wondered why Tina seemed to be experiencing symptoms of PTSD even though she hadn’t had any traumatic experiences while on active duty. Finally, Tina decided to confide in a close friend, who gave her the validation that she needed to start healing. Since then, she has found additional support and solace from family members and has started the journey towards acceptance and recovery.

More recently, Tina has been training for a 76-mile run, which is the next step in her healing journey. Although Tina has been contemplating this run for years, she was finally triggered to act when Vanessa Guillen’s remains were found last June. Vanessa was yet another military woman who experienced sexual assault; however, unlike Tina, she was murdered after the fact. Tina is running 76 miles to represent the number of days it took Vanessa’s family to find her remains. She will begin her run on April 22, the one-year anniversary of Vanessa’s death.

Tune into this week’s episode of The Military Woman and So Much More for an emotional conversation with Tina and host Sharika LaBrie about finding yourself again after a sexual assault. Learn about Tina’s journey towards recovery and how she is working to show women across the country that #silenceisnotstrength. 

Quotes

• “I was raped on active duty right after my first deployment. And I used running as a way to cope without even realizing it. I literally just started running from the issue. And since I didn’t know what to do with the emotional part of it, I turned it into physical pain.” (3:02-3:28)
• “And people say, ‘Well, thank god you’re alive. Thank god you woke up another day and you can do whatever you want with this day.’ And for the longest time, it made me sick. You know, take your day and shove it.” (12:46-13:03)
• “My heart continued beating after that, but I was dead, you know? I died that night. Everything that I was, who I was, is gone.” (16:11-16:27)
• “Next year, I bet you anything, they’re not going to be talking about this anymore. And this is gonna be a great way to let them know that we’re not letting it go this time. I went back to work two days later and kept my mouth shut. A year later...we’re not doing that again….I pray that this run just lets people know that we’re going to keep talking about it.” (40:48-41:55)
• “The more we talk, the less this is going to be able to keep happening because in a sense these predators are protected by our silence. And my hashtag is ‘silence is not strength’ because I have thought that me being quiet made me stronger and just get over it, but that doesn’t happen, and I don’t think it’ll happen for anybody. But it did protect him….I really want us to start talking about this so that even if they don’t feel comfortable telling somebody specifically, at least they’ll hear the conversation.” (43:49-44:39)

Links

76 Mile Run for Change

http://www.thepinkberets.org/

https://www.rainn.org/resources

 

Podcast production and show notes provided by FIRESIDE Marketing

Money Matters! Golden nuggets on becoming financially savvy

What do you wish you knew about finances that you don’t right now? In this episode of the Military Woman podcast, Sharika is asking Elizabeth Berard Rojas, AGR Officer in Finances and financial consultant what she thinks everyone should know about being financially savvy on a military paycheck. 

What’s the difference between a Roth IRA, TSP, and your 401K? How do you choose where to put your money? What’s the best way to budget? Elizabeth hit on all these super important questions in her chat with Sharika, and shares some of the biggest mistakes she sees her clients make around money -- like, for example, choosing to take out personal loans rather than relying on a savings account. 

We’re tackling all your financial questions in this episode, from the envelope budgeting method to the one small adjustment you can make on your tax forms to get a bigger refund every year. You don’t want to miss it!

Quotes

• “Many women are so bogged down day to day, that staying on top of our finances can be overwhelming.” 
• “Actually, when you see the money right there in those envelopes, growing, you don’t want to spend it as much, because you’re like, ‘This is looking very pretty!’” (23:22-23:30)

 

Links

https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethberardrojas/

 

Podcast production and show notes provided by FIRESIDE Marketing

 

Communicate So Others Will Listen

Being in the military, Sharika Labrie has encountered many different personality types in the military, and what you can do to tell who you work best with. She challenges you to ask yourself: In the past few weeks, have you commented on a post on social media thinking that you are helping someone, only to get attacked or called out for being too direct? These may be people that don’t communicate like you. 

 

She recently read a book called Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson, which gives you reasons to look inward, and observe how someone is communicating with you and how you interpret it. 

Some key takeaways Sharika would like to share;

• Communication is on the listener
• The color meanings; knowing yourself and knowing how to listen to the different ‘colors’
• Adapting and giving feedback to those around you 

 

Color Personality Types: 

Red - dynamic and driven individual

Green - the most balanced. They counterbalance the other more extreme behavioral traits in an elegant way

Yellow - who live to live, always finding opportunities for enjoyment

Blue - has all the right answers. In the background, he analyzes: classifies, evaluates, assesses

Using these tools can help you best communicate with your loved ones, family members, and spouses. To be able to tackle issues in your day to day life, knowing how to communicate can make the process easier. As a leader in your environment, it takes work to really hone in on people around you and how they communicate, and then adapting to that style of communication. The reality is we cannot get through to others if we do not know how they hear us. 

Being married for almost 11 years, Sharika has learned how to communicate with her ‘Red/Blue’ husband while she considers herself ‘Green/Yellow’. Reflecting on her education as a Psychiatric Health Nurse Practitioner, she wanted to optimize her communication skills and see what roadblocks she can avoid to cultivate her own relationship and articulate her issues and adapt to her spouses’ style of communication.

Wonder what color you are and how you can use these exercises to best communicate with others? Take a listen to this week’s episode!  

Quotes: 

• “I spent much of my twenties developing my intellect and my profession, taking tests and certifications to really hone in on my professional skills, when I should have been spending time studying on personal development and looking inward.”
• “The more self awareness you have, the more aware of others you surround yourself with.”

 

Links: 

@themilitarywoman (Instagram)

Surviving Workplace Violence

“Burns are a lifelong battle,” explains Katie Blanchard, former U.S. Army Nurse Supervisor. In 2016, Katie suffered a brutal attack by a civilian employee, who threw gasoline and matches on her and lit her on fire. Katie sustained burns to 18% of her upper body and has been forced to undergo continued surgeries to combat the scars. And the worst part? Her attacker was tried in a federal court and received a maximum sentence of only 20 years in prison. So while Katie is forced to battle her burns for the rest of her life, the man who caused her injuries can re-enter his life relatively unscathed after only 20 years. 

Despite the attack, Katie never allowed herself to become defeated. Instead, she has committed herself to improving the system that failed her. She has earned her Masters in Nurse Education and is now a doctoral candidate at the University of Washington pursuing a PhD in Nursing Science. She has also started her own company, WPV Solutions, which aims to prevent workplace violence before it occurs.

When asked what lessons listeners should take away from her experience, Katie explains that we must change how we look at violence in the workplace. Katie’s superiors largely ignored her complaints and concerns despite her repeated requests for support and protection prior to the assault. Katie explains that the military disciplinary system lacks continuity and that escalations are often swept under the rug rather than being seriously addressed on a larger scale. While Katie has gained little traction within the Army when it comes to a broader acknowledgment of workplace violence, she hopes to assist other organizations develop stronger safety and support foundations, so their employees feel safe in their work environments.

Tune into this week’s episode of the Military Woman to learn more about Katie’s experiences and the admirable work she is doing to combat workplace violence. You won’t want to miss this inspiring story about overcoming past trauma in pursuit of a greater good.

Quotes

• “You believe in an organization and those values that an organization has: duty, selfless service, loyalty. You believe in these things, and you believe that you’re doing a greater good, that you’re there to do work that is important. When a colonel looks at you and tells you to look the other way and to protect yourself and not to do what you feel is the right thing and the right thing for your patients...it gives you this feeling of hopelessness and a feeling of why am I here.” (14:36-15:09)
• “This kind of dynamic happens a lot in workplace violence where perpetrators will try to flip the script and make it your problem, not theirs.” (27:09-27:19)
• “I wanted people to know that I had said something, that I had known that this was going to happen, and there was no action.” (32:31-32:40)
• “Burns are a lifelong battle….My attacker got 20 years in federal prison, and that was the maximum that he could have gotten….It’s a life sentence for me, but it’s not for him.” (35:51-36:52)
• “There needs to be a reporting system in place that we can ask for resources; that we can get a threat assessment team going; that if our chain of command isn’t listening, there’s some mechanism where we can still get to people to help us stay safe in the workplace.” (38:38-38:56)
• “What the literature tells us is that a lot of times workplace violence is not active shooter. It is not that kind of extreme violence. A lot of times this risk of violence is very much a spectrum, and it’s both verbal and physical….We can very much prevent workplace violence from happening if we have the right tools to do it.” (43:12-43:35)

Links

https://wpvsolutions.org/

wpvsolutions@gmail.com

 

Podcast production and show notes provided by FIRESIDE Marketing

Paving the Way: First Female Commander of the Old Guard

“When we try to break down barriers and glass ceilings, it’s not just us,” says Lauran Glover, First African-American Female Commander of the Old Guard. Lauran started her military career in Guantanamo Bay Cuba as a second lieutenant in the military police. But when she was moved to the military police company in Arlington Cemetery, she fell in love with the ceremonial parts of military life - especially the drill team. In this episode of the Military Woman podcast, Lauran talks with Sharika about her experience in the Old Guard, and what it’s really like to break glass ceilings (hint: it’s hard!). 

Lauran’s role as commander came at a time of change for the drill team and the military. There were a lot of female firsts in other branches when she became commander of the Old Guard. But her position also started at a period of down-turn for the drill team -- right before she began, the team was told they could no longer take sponsored trips, because it looked too lavish. As commander, Lauran found herself thrown into a new drill team, with a tight budget. She decided the best way to make an impact was to travel to schools and really amp up the fact that she was the first female, black commander -- to show girls across America what is possible for them in 2021. 

Tune in this week to hear Lauran’s amazing story, including shout-outs to the many men and women who supported her journey and helped her pave the way to a more diverse Old Guard. 

Quotes

• “It’s those things that we don’t realize in our society, because representation matters. I never saw a woman doing this, I never saw a woman around, so I didn’t see my opportunity in this path. (15:11-15:21)
• “I think this is important as well to say, about our conversations with glass ceilings. A lot of people think we break glass ceilings, and it's great and everyone loves it, and we move forward. That’s not how it happens.” (19:44-19:55)

Links

Podcast production and show notes provided by FIRESIDE Marketing

Mental Prep: What Transition Courses Don’t Prepare You For When Exiting Out of the Military

“I was trying to live a military life in a civilian world,” says Kelley L Forsberg, founder and life coach at Life Coaching for Veterans. Kelley was medically retired from the army after many years as a logistics officer, and despite the more concrete preparation that she did -- finding housing, updating her resume -- her transition to civilian life was bumpier than expected. That experience prompted her to start a life coaching business for veterans looking to find their place in a civilian world, which is what she talks about with Sharika on this episode of the Military Woman podcast. 

Kelley and Sharika talk about what preparation they received when exiting from the army, and the grief that comes when you undergo this transition. As Kelley says, “The army was the biggest part of me that I had ever lost.” When the army is all you’ve known, it can be hard to find your own “why.” Kelley’s work as a life coach is all about helping other veterans find their footing now that they are in charge of their own mission: living a good life. 

Tune in this week to learn about Kelley’s exit from the military, and the real experience of finding yourself in the civilian world -- without leaving all of your military self behind. 

Quotes

• “I was trying to live a military life in a civilian world.” 
• “We think there are these rules we have to live by, and we do in the military. But in the civilian world there’s so much more freedom, and we don’t really know what to do with that.” (8:42-8:52)
• “Because it’s different when you have a government contract saying this is who you are, this is what you do. But when it becomes your choice, you are responsible for that. It’s up to you to decide if you are doing the work that you’re meant to be doing in your life, and that’s a big question to answer.” (22:21-22:37)

 

Links

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lifecoachingforveterans

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachingforveterans/

Book a call with Kelley L. Forsberg: https://calendly.com/lifecoachingforveterans?fbclid=IwAR0PZrHQtoIdCDlX84AHq3an_sUI51qE91-q-f9tlv8BokNPnQD7b3_s82s

http://lifecoachingforveterans.com/

 

Podcast production and show notes provided by FIRESIDE Marketing

 

War Against Infertility: IVF Resilience

“Our healthcare system is reactive, not proactive,” says Kelly Watts-Baca. On this episode of The Military Woman podcast, Kelly and host Sharika LaBrie talk about what it’s like to do IVF as a military woman, and how to stay resilient through this long and arduous process. 

Kelly was 37 years old when she started trying to have a baby with her then boyfriend, now husband. After two years of unprotected sex and not even a pregnancy scare, she realized something was wrong. After discovering she was unable to conceive naturally, Kelly started the IVF process - which drained her emotionally, financially, and physically. 

In this illuminating episode about the power of resilience when you want to start a family, Kelly shares how IVF impacted her work life, her marriage, her sense of self, and her ideas about women’s healthcare. Tune in to learn more about the rarely-told story of fertility and the military on this episode of The Military Woman. 

Quotes:

• “There’s no easy answer to infertility.” 
• “I hope it brings light to so many facets. There are so many facets to IVF that people don’t know or understand, and it’s difficult to navigate. And when we talk about the military and really needing mentors, being in IVF you really need a mentor, someone you can talk to.” 

Links:

@themilitarywoman (Instagram) 

Fighting Cancer War

“This diagnosis threw everything off track” says Cassie Bailey, retired combat medic, LPN, RN and Army Corps Nurse Officer. When she was 34 years old, Cassie was diagnosed with metastasized Stage 4 breast cancer and given only five years to live. In this episode of The Military Woman, Cassie talks with host Sharika Labrie about how her diagnosis changed her life, and her military career. 

Cassie was medically discharged from the army after seventeen years of service -- and soon after her discharge, Covid hit. The combination threw her for a loop, but she found solace in many places - therapy, doctors, and a website called Health Unlocked, that lets you connect with people who have the same disease, prognosis, and medications as you. 

Now, Cassie is stable. She has been for two years. And she maintains hope - she is going to see a functional medicine doctor in the coming weeks to see if integrative health can help her find a cure. Listen in for this heart-breaking, yet hopeful, story of cancer, military aspirations, and what life is like as a young mother after medical discharge. 

Quotes

• “I’m the one going through it, but you know, they are too. And I found myself having to comfort other people when I needed comfort.” (35:38-35:58)

Links

Instagram: @themilitarywoman 

Instagram: @chroniclesofacancer_

Introduction

When Sharika LaBrie was unexpectedly deployed, she felt a lot of guilt. Leaving her two kids and her husband behind to do her work in the Army Nurse Corps was complicated -- and though many resources existed for dependent wives, there wasn’t much for active military women. After sitting down with a group of women with similar experiences in Kosovo, Sharika realized these experiences needed to be shared. And so, the Military Woman podcast was born!